Dying to Myself so I may be Alive in Christ

Hey y’all! 

Excuse me for being MIA… If I am being honest, it was really hard for me to sit down and write over the last 2 months. Heck, it’s hard to write this now but I have an 18-hour bus ride ahead of me and you all deserve an update! 

So, at the beginning of February, we had a team swap which just means I got a new team to do life with for these next 4 months. Not only did I get a new team, but I also got a new role as my team’s leader! Essentially, what this means is I get to communicate with ministry hosts, check in and make sure my team is doing well, run team times or designate my team members to run team times, check in on my treasurer who keeps our money sorted, communicate with our leaders back in Georgia, encourage my team, and pretty much just keep things organized with the team and our ministry host so things run smoothly. I am honored to serve my team in this way and I believe there is a lot more to leading them than just the things I am supposed to do. I know team leading is a ministry in itself and God has put me in this position to grow and stretch me like never before. I am going to go ahead and share some things God has taught me in the past 2 months! 

Back tracking to January in Lesotho, the Lord was taking me through Romans and I was just feeling so empowered by what He was teaching me. I was questioning Him at first. I kept thinking, “Lord I know all of this, why are you taking me through this again?” I felt like He wanted me to dig deeper and see where my own heart posture was. I realized I needed to bring a lot of these things to reality. I felt like He wanted me to focus on his love so I can love others more. I felt like He told me I was going to team lead but I psyched myself out and said “no, that’s not it.” But it ended up being exactly what He was leading me to. Clearly, I hear His voice but sometimes I know the enemy likes to get in my head.

It started with Romans 2:1 which says “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgement on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same thing.” Man that hit me! I felt Holy Spirit humble me at that moment and remind me that I have no right to judge others. Also, He reminded me that I have the mind of Christ so any negative or judgmental thoughts coming into my head are actually lies of the enemy. It reminded me that not even He judges me and I am nowhere near perfect but I actually can just use my mouth to uplift my brothers and sisters rather then bring them down. Then I got to Romans 3:22-24 which says “There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Not only does this verse say all of us have fallen short, but it also says we are ALL justified freely by the grace of God through Jesus. God loved us enough to send his son to save us from the world. Romans 6:6 and 7 says “For we know that our old self was crucified with him (Jesus) so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been set free to sin.” 

So Jesus died for me to be set free from sin so every morning I die to myself so I may be alive in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:38 and 39 says “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Not on things separates us from the love of God. To me that is reassuring, every day I get to remind myself that nothing can separate me from the love of the Father, therefore, I can allow him to love me so I can outwardly express his love to his children. Romans 13:8-10 says “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another… “love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” I just cannot emphasize enough how important loving people really is. Romans has taught me how to genuinely love every person around me and not hate whatsoever or cast judgement. I won’t lie, sometimes my flesh overpowers me but my spirit and flesh are in a battle and I know my spirit is winning. I see in the spiritual realm my flesh becoming weaker and weaker. I see the fruit the Holy Spirit is producing in my life. 

What a great month leading up to team leading! I feel like the Lord just softened my heart so incredibly much and humbled me so i could be one prepared to lead a group of people. There are many things that he has taught me my first month of leading a team. Things including more patience then I thought I ever had, healthy confrontation, boldness to speak up when things hurt me, how to uplift a body, how I can trust him to speak through me and lastly, how my sensitivity is a gift from him. This was one that hurt me in the beginning because I was so wound up in me being to sensitive and that the way I felt was irrational. Then I remembered how big of a lie that is! Sensitivity, compassion and empathy are such gifts from the Lord and a huge part of his character. I do not stand on the fact that it is my fault I get easily upset by people talking to me a certain way or I cry at other people’s pain. I love this part of me. God is so kind to put people in my life this month like Hayden and Adria to speak that over me. They where there to tell me that my feelings were absolutely valid. I was feeling so much pain for other people and hurting for things around me which I thought was making me weak. The reality is it makes me strong in Christ. He loves when my heart breaks for what his breaks for. My sensitivity is actually part of the Father’s heart and I get to share that with people around me that do not experience it or feel like they do not experience it. 

Stepping in to my second month team leading, I get to go in with confidence and boldness in who I am. My identity in Christ is rooted. I am going in believing that the Lord is what moves me and what makes me a good leader. I am dependent on him and I get to turn to him and trust him in all of the good times and all of the bad times. I am so thrilled to step into this month knowing the Lord is my motivation and this is his team not mine. I know the pressure is on him and not me. He is faithful so I know he will move through me. I know my sensitivity is a gift from him and it makes me a compassionate leader who is full of love. I am loving because He is loving to me and I root myself in Him every day. 

Thank you all for joining me on this journey through reading, praying and supporting. I am again, so blessed to have people who believe in me and what the Lord wants to do through me. I ask for extra prayer on the upcoming months as I continue to lead a team and have very little access to WiFi. The next 3 months consist of Swaziland, South Asia and Nepal. Pray for divine encounters and miracles! I am pumped to see what the Lord is going to do and pray for my mom as she travels to South Asia to see me! I am thrilled to see her and to see what God is going to do through her and I together. 

Lastly, as I step into my 22nd year of life this month I am just thanking God for his goodness and what he has done the last year of my life. I am grateful for transformation and answered prayers. I am grateful to live a life dedicated to the Lord and I am grateful to be surrounded by good people. If y’all would just pray for provision in this year to come, as well as peace not being with my family on my birthday. My birthday means a lot to me because the Lord gave me life on that day so it makes me sad to be away from my loved ones! Okay thanks so much for reading and for waiting an eternity for me to write another blog! Love y’all!!